The following are several books that I’ve found to be particularly interesting, informative, and/or entertaining. I update this section regularly, and am always interested in hearing about books that you have enjoyed and found helpful!
The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.
There appears to be a growing interest in what it is to be shy, or an introvert, or a highly sensitive person. (All three are distinctly different traits, although they can, and do, overlap). This is an interesting book on what it is to be “highly sensitive”. A Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) has sensory receptors turned on ‘high’. Sights, sounds, physical sensations, moods, and intuition are felt louder or deeper. HSP’s can get frazzled, distressed, and unnerved as a result.
The author, Elaine Aron, describes herself as a HSP. I think this is a good book for someone wondering if they too are highly sensitive (note: not over-sensitive – just highly sensitive). There are good strategies for coping with this trait, all which essentially start with understanding and appreciating the positives of being highly sensitive and the limitations to what kind of environment the HSP will find comfortable.
This book was published in 1996; an update on the section about medication would be helpful as I think some of the author’s statements about what is “well known” may now be out of date.
Overall, this is a book worth considering.
He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Surprise! This is a fun and entertaining book that has strong therapeutic value! It gets a very good point across, very effectively – namely, women need to stop trying to “read into” a relationship where one doesn’t exist. Women can create great harm to their self-esteem when they use the reaction that they elicit from a man as a reliable indicator of their worth. When a man is “just not that into” a women, it means just that. There’s no fit. Nothing more. There’s a lid for every pot. Move on. Reading like an advice column, the book shows how some women don’t – or won’t – pay attention to what they are seeing or hearing. This book is encouraging, empowering, and entertaining. I only wish there was a similar book written for men who too need to see that they deserve better.
The Second Brain: A Groundbreaking New Understanding of Nervous Disorders of the Stomach and Intestine by Michael D. Gershon, MD
“Gut instinct…”, “My gut tells me…”, “I have butterflies in my stomach” – our “guts” (stomachs, esophagus, small intestines, colon) are what Dr. Gershon (a neurobiologist) calls “our second brains” – and chaos in one brain creates misery in the other. Consider this: 95% of the body’s serotonin is made in the bowel (serotonin being a key neurotransmitter in the regulation of mood, appetite, and sleep). Dr. Gershon also proposes “the ugly gut is more intellectual than the heart and may have a greater capacity for feeling”.
This is a very interesting read, and well worth it if you wonder why your gut reacts the way it does. My only criticism is that the book gets very ‘technical’ from time to time – as if the reader has switched from being a layperson to a fellow scientist.
How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo and Kathlyn Hendricks
This book came highly recommended by clients who had found it useful. It’s a very good book – pity that the title may turn some people off (I’d prefer “How to be a stronger adult in relationships”). The book has a strong spiritual bend which may work for some, but not for others. There are some excellent chapters that I highly recommend: “Choosing a Partner”, “Romance: The First Phase of Relationship”, and “Conflicts”. If you’re ok with (or welcome) the occasional reference to mindfulness, journalling, and meditation, there’s a lot to be taken from this book.
Working Identity: Unconventional Strategies for Reinventing Your Career by Herminia Ibarra
A very interesting and worthwhile perspective on making a ‘mid-career’ change. The proposition is that we try out possible roles; investigate ideas that appeal to us – “test and learn” and find out about our new career by trying on for size. This requires that we have a ‘stomach’ for uncertainty and allow ourselves the time to rule in and rule out possibilities. The author outlines her 9 “unconventional strategies”: change what we do to test out alternatives; reflect, but only after testing starts; allow for a transition period; make many small steps versus one big decision; think in terms of side projects and temporary assignment to test out options; look for role models and untried networks; pay attention to the changes you are going through and find meaning in them; step back, reflect, but then get back into action; and take advantage of windows of opportunity.
The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science by Norman Doidge, M.D.
Until quite recently, scientists viewed the brain to be “hardwired”, “fixed”, and therefore, vulnerable to lasting injury and beyond repair or the ability to “improve” functioning. Findings in “neuroplasticity” – the ability of the human brain to change as a result of one’s experience – have challenged that thinking. I highly recommend this very readable book to anyone coping with a stroke, other brain injury, or a learning disability (their own or someone else’s). Beyond that, anyone with an interest in how the brain works will thoroughly enjoy reading about: how brain plasticity can affect memory, speed of thought and the ability to learn; what neuroplasticity “teaches us about sexual attraction and love”; how neuroplastic therapy can be applied in psychoanalysis; and how plasticity can be used to stop excessive worrying, obsessions, and bad habits. It may be tough to imagine that a book about brain plasticity can make for a good read, but this one does.
The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, Ph.D.
Dr. Gottman is known around the world for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, backed by thirty-five years of breakthrough research on marriage and parenting. In this book, Dr. Gottman lays out the fundamentals of effective partnerships, and shows how we connect with our partners – how we talk to them, what we know about them, and how we tackle conflict and problems together – can make or break a relationship. This would be a great book for any couple who are just starting out — i.e., to nip any communication problems in the bud, but it is also a terrific book for any couples who are experiencing difficulties or want to prevent any problems from spiralling into something bigger. For those people who like questionnaires, there are plenty of those throughout the book to help gauge “how are we doing?” and “what could we be doing better?”.
Driven to Distraction: Recognizing And Coping With Attention Deficit Disorder From Childhood Through Adulthood by Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey
A sense of underachievement, the frequent search for high stimulation, an intolerance for boredom, chronic procrastination, impatience, impulsiveness, restlessness, a tendency toward addictive behaviour – these are some of the suggested diagnostic criteria for Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults. ‘Driven To Distraction’ is a highly readable, informative book for anyone who suspects they might have ADD – or who has been diagnosed with ADD. It would also be invaluable to anyone parenting, living with, or working along side of someone with ADD. Both authors have ADD, having been diagnosed as adults – one of the many myths about ADD which they address: ADD is not for children only. This book is written in a very positive light, providing practical behavioural approaches to manage ADD.
Shadow Syndromes: The Mild Forms of Major Mental Disorders That Sabotage Us by John J. Ratey
To be diagnosed with a mental disorder or illness, an individual needs to meet a certain threshold of symptoms or criteria. This book addresses the milder cases of disorders – sub-clinical cases where an individual only meets a few of the criteria. This is an anecdotal look at what ‘mild’ depression, ADD, anxiety, obsessive compulsive behaviour (just to name a few) can appear as, and what people can do about it. Caution: a review on amazon.com comments that Freud once said that nobody is “normal,” and after reading Shadow Syndromes, you may well be convinced of that. I agree!
The Sexual Paradox: Men, Women and the Real Gender Gap by Susan Pinker
This is a must-read for any woman who has wondered about how she, her values, her skills, and her mind-set, fits into what is still more or less a male dominated working world. It is a good book for anyone (female or male) who wonders how to attract and retain women in the workforce. Susan Pinker, a psychologist and a regular columnist in the Careers section of the Globe and Mail, writes about how learning and behavioural patterns between boys and girls evolves into success and happiness differences between men and women in the workforce. She compares and discusses (in a balanced, non-judgemental way) what she calls the opposites: “fragile boys” who later succeed versus “high-achieving” women who opt out or plateau in their career.
Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert
This is an entertaining, informative book on how we can make ourselves happy – or miserable. We do this by telling ourselves stories – stories which we stubbornly invest in as being the whole truth and nothing but the truth. For example, when we recall something in the past, we fill in holes in our memory with what we imagine to have happened. (No, our memories are not perfect video-taped episodes of what exactly occurred. Have you ever shared a memory with someone and come up with different details of what went on?). When we look towards the future, all we have is our imagination, grown out of experiences of the past. Our mistake, as Dr. Gilbert tells us, is that we unthinkingly treat what we imagine as though it is an accurate representation of the facts. In other words, we don’t recall the past as accurately as it happened and certainly don’t predict the future any better. This causes a lot of unnecessary grief, guilt, sadness, and anxiety. Being aware of how we use our imaginations to look back and look forward can do a lot to improve our outlook on life.
The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine
This is a fascinating look at how the structure of the female brain and hormonal influences – month over month, year over year – determine how women think, act, feel, and what they value. The author, a neuropsychiatrist and neurobiologist, lays out the material in highly conversational, easy-to-read way. The reader moves through different stages of a woman’s life in each chapter: “The Birth of the Female Brain”, “Teen Girl Brain”, “The Mommy Brain”, and “The Mature Female Brain”. There are also chapters on sex, love, trust, hormone therapy, post-partum depression, and sexual orientation.
The Male Brain by Louann Brizendine
“The Female Brain” was a very interesting read – and clearly, the author’s area of expertise. The Male Brain was much less ‘in depth’. The book contains fairly interesting information about how the male brain changes over the course of a lifetime, however I think more could have been written about these brain chemistry changes impact the bio-psycho-social aspects that a male experiences. That being said, I still recommend this book.
Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life by Paul Ekman
If you’ve ever watched and enjoyed “Lie to Me” – a current television program now in its third season – you’re likely to enjoy this book. Lie to Me is based on the work of Dr. Paul Ekman (played beautifully by Tim Roth in the show), a world expert on facial expressions and a professor of psychology at the University of California medical school. Using photographs and stories, Ekman tells and shows us how facial expressions are rich with information. He also talks about what triggers emotion – and what each emotion (sadness, anger, contempt, fear, etc.) is all about. Dr. Ekman has also written “Telling Lies: Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics, and Marriage” – also an excellent book – which explains why he is highly sought out in his work as an advisor to police departments, antiterrorism groups — oh, and Pixar (who depend heavily on accurate and animated expressions).