It is frustrating, exhausting, and frightening to care for someone you love who is dealing with a severe illness, dementia, a bad injury, or some other tremendous personal hardship. It is also rewarding, enlightening, and life changing in many positive ways. Our relationship with the person who is ill may become strengthened or fractured; so too will relationships with family members and friends, depending on their role in our lives and/or in the life of the patient.

Treatment, recovery or palliative care can be a long process for which we’re advised to ‘pace ourselves’ so that we don’t burnout out. How much easier is this to say than to do! To pace ourselves implies that we can foreshadow what lies ahead and allocate our time and energy accordingly. Anyone who has been a caregiver knows that it’s almost impossible to predict what the next day will bring. The patient’s physical, emotional, and/or mental health can be up or down – and so might our own, medical resources may be cooperative and available – or not, and then there’s all of that which is “regular living” to be managed and enjoyed.

How to cope? Please consider the following:

• “Time off” is not a privilege, but a necessity. Take it when you can, as often as you can. This requires that you…
• … accept help and support from the people around you. Others can do what needs to be done just as well as you can, albeit perhaps differently. Don’t be a martyr – it’s not helping anyone including the patient. As the saying goes, “get off the cross, we need the wood”.
• Be alert to the signs of depression, anxiety, and excessive stress and allow yourself to get professional help when you need it.
• As you can, be there for doctor’s appointments and visits with specialists. Knowing as much as you can about the situation, the condition, and the options will reduce the stress of the unknown and empower you and the patient to make the right decisions.
• Find the humor. With the right timing and sensitivity, there will be many opportunities to laugh at the circumstances. The human condition can be unpleasant and awkward, and humor can help cope with an otherwise embarrassing situation.
• Get as much sleep, good food, and exercise as you can. If you are spending a lot of time in a hospital, take frequent walks outside to get sunlight and fresh air to revive and energize yourself. Go easy on the hospital cafeteria or coffee shop. A steady diet of caffeine and donuts might make you the next patient.
• Allow your friends to support you with their presence. Seek out the people who will listen to you compassionately and fully so you can unload.
• On that note, allow yourself to feel the emotions that you are feeling. Accept that you will feel angry and frustrated. Enjoy it when you’re feeling hopeful and happy.

If any of this applies to you, I give you my kindest regards and wish you and your patient all of the best for comfort and healing.

Are you currently in the market for a new job? Or are you in a role you enjoy? Either way, do make sure that active networking is – or becomes – an integral part of your own career management strategy.

What is Networking?
Networking is the activity of making, nurturing, and keeping connections. Networking builds and sustains your professional community. It is about making yourself known and interacting with a broad range of people who you can help and who can help you.

Networking is not about asking for a job, nor is it simply a job search activity. It is also not a ‘one-way’ activity. Networking is about managing your “brand” – what people think about you, what you are known for, and what people can expect from you.

Why Network
Connecting with people for the purposes of sharing information is how you will attract and retain business, forge enjoyable working and personal relationships, and create a supportive and interesting community around yourself. If you are conducting a job search, networking allows you to expand your knowledge and stay current with industry news, events, and trends. You can also find out about opportunities that are just in the consideration stage or get an “inside” edge by making contact within a company.

A few tips about networking:
• Network to keep yourself current, find out about new opportunities and to learn and share information

• Network with everyone* – Everyone has something to share and can be a good source of insight, another connection, or advice. (I’m going to qualify “everyone”. Recently, I was asked if we should network with people that we don’t like or people who don’t like us. I don’t see the point of that. First of all, connecting with people you don’t get along with doesn’t sound like too much fun. Also, when we network, we are opening ourselves (professionally, at least) to other people. If the other person is not likely to say positive things about you or support your goals, then pass them by and look for another connection). (* I have been asked by someone if they should network with people that they either don’t like, or with someone who doesn’t like them. The answer is a qualified no. No – if the other person is not willing or able to support you in a positive way, then you – and they – stand little to gain by forging a relationship. If, however, there’s an opportunity to rectify the relationship – set things right and/or repair issues that have caused problems, then yes, go ahead).

• When you’re looking for a new job, network prepared. Have in mind what you want to say: what is your story and game plan? What are you interested in doing? What information or connections would be helpful? Ensure that your engagement with the other person is a good use of their time and yours

• Always plan to give back or pay-if-forward. Make networking a mutually-beneficial activity. Support other people’s efforts to connect and share information

• Enjoy networking. There are many different ways to make and keep connections. Find a way that suits you and is effective in sustaining your professional community.

Exercise is one of the best things we can do for ourselves when we’re feeling stressed. However, when we’re over-scheduled, exercise can fall off of our list of things to do – it’s hard to find the time or the energy.

But it is worth the time. It’s worth the effort and the re-juggling of priorities to carve out the time we need to go for a walk, run, swim, or to attend an exercise class. Not only does our body benefit, but so does our mind. That stress we’re facing? We become more emotionally and physically resilient, putting us in a much better position to cope with whatever we have on our plate.

We know that stress and certain lifestyle choices will take a physical toll, increasing the likelihood of chronic problems such as high cholesterol, blood pressure and diabetes. Prolonged stress impacts the proper functioning of our immune system. The part of our brain that controls the stress response goes on high alert, continually pumping out stress hormones which leave us susceptible to bacterial or viral infections. Stress can also give rise to temporary or chronic anxiety or depression. We are less able to manage our lives and cope with demands as our energy is drained and our outlook distorted.

Exercise is strongly linked to our state of mind. Physical activity increases the supply of certain mood-enhancing neurotransmitters in the brain, such as endorphins which have an opiate-like effect on reducing pain and creating a sense of well-being. Exercise also releases muscle tension and reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol.(1) Some research studies indicate that regular exercise may be as effective as other treatments (like medication) to relieve mild to moderate depression (it may take at least 30 minutes of exercise a day for at least three to five days a week to significantly improve depression symptoms. But smaller amounts of activity — as little as 10 to 15 minutes at a time — can improve mood in the short term).(2,3) Serotonin is a critical chemical in our body, affecting our sleep, libido, appetite and mood. Research has also found that regular exercise alters serotonin levels in the brain, also improving our mood and outlook.(4)

Maintaining our level of health and regularly engaging in fitness activities is not just important for our physical well-being, it’s critically important to our emotional and mental well-being. That boost in our mood that we experience after exercise reflects an important chemical change that has occurred in our bodies and brain. Once we find an exercise and routine we enjoy, we should encourage ourselves to incorporate it into our daily lives so that we are as strong and resilient as we can be.

Please note: if anxiety, stress, or depression is ongoing and is interfering with your daily living, please seek professional help. Exercise will help these issues, but medication and talk therapy may also be required. Please consult a medical professional when in doubt.

Sources:
(1) Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms, Source: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression-and-exercise
(2) Depression and exercise, Source: http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf
/pages/Depression_and_exercise
(3) Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms, Source: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression-and-exercise
(4) Ibid

We are creatures affected by our environment, and here in Canada, our environment turns colder and darker in our winter months. Hibernation is one solution; fighting back a sluggish mood with sunlight and exercise is another. Here’s why we want to make the most of our sunny days and get outside for exercise.

Feeling unusually tired, low, and/or anxious? Having problems concentrating, or sleeping and eating more than usual? You are not alone. According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, up to 15% of Canadians (1 in 7) experience symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder.(1) Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that occurs at the same time every year – most commonly, the late Fall/early Winter with the symptoms most intense in the darkest months.(2) It is experienced by people living in areas far north (hello!) or south of the equator where winter days are short and sunlight is in short supply. It affects four times as many women as men, although men’s symptoms may be more severe. Symptoms of SAD include:

• Sleep problems – oversleeping but not refreshed, cannot get out of bed, needing a nap in the afternoon
• Overeating – carbohydrate craving leading to weight gain
• Depression, despair, misery, guilt, anxiety – normal tasks become frustratingly difficult
• Family / social problems – avoiding company, irritability, loss of libido, loss of feeling
• Lethargy – too tired to cope, everything an effort
• Physical symptoms – often joint pain or stomach problems, lowered resistance to infection
• Behavioural problems – especially in young people.(3)

Please note: These symptoms can be tied to a number of conditions. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms for a prolonged period of time, please consult your family doctor or health care professional. Only they can assess and properly diagnose your symptoms.

If you are diagnosed with SAD, treatment may include light therapy, psychotherapy, and/or medication.

If you have not been diagnosed with SAD, but you find your mood and energy still flagging, here’s what you can do to make a difference in how you feel:

• Get outside into the sunlight: Nerve centres and neurotransmitters in our brain control our daily “circadian” rhythms and moods, and are stimulated by the amount of light entering the eyes. In the winter, daylight is shorter, overcast days occur frequently, and we stay indoors more often to avoid the cold. Therefore, our brain doesn’t get exposed to the light that it needs. Evidence has shown that serotonin – a neurotransmitter that regulates mood, sexual desire and function, appetite, and sleep, to name a few – increases with exposure to bright light.(4) Need light? Bundle up and get out for a walk. This is particularly important if you work indoors and come and go to work in the dark. Do your absolute best to get outside during a break, even if it’s for 5 to 10 minutes.

• If the weather won’t allow it, your next best option is to sit near a sunny window, at home or at work. Also, many people use light therapy at home, whereby they sit close to a special light for a specific duration of time each day. A health care professional can help you determine if this is a good option for you.

• As always, exercise! Physical exercise helps relieve stress and anxiety, both of which can increase SAD symptoms.(5) We feel better when we exercise – physically (thanks to endorphins, our feel-good brain chemicals) and emotionally (our self-confidence improves, we’re distracted temporarily from our worries, and because we often exercise with friends, we get connected). It is tough to get into an exercise routine if we’ve been away from it, but the pay-off is great.

Note: In writing this commentary, I have referred to the Mayo Clinic’s informative site on Seasonal Affective Disorder: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/seasonal-affective-disorder/DS00195. For more information, please see this site or choose another reputable source.

(1) Seasonal Affective Disorder, Canadian Mental Health Association, http://download.cmha.ab.ca/Edmonton/
Seasonal%20affective%20disorder.pdf)
(2) Seasonal Affective Disorder, Mayo Clinic, www.mayoclinic.com
(3) http://www.lumie.com/help/quick-guides/sad
(4) Ibid
(5) Seasonal Affective Disorder, Mayo Clinic, www.mayoclinic.com

What do people go through when they lose a job? What do they think about? How do they feel? How about during the search for a new role? As they interview? When they’re at home wondering what the next day will bring?

People ask these questions because they want to know if their feelings and thoughts are normal or typical of what others go through when they have lost their jobs. Is it o.k., they ask, to be feeling sad, or angry, hopeless or excited? How long will they feel this way? What will they feel next?

Leaving one job and looking for a new one is a big deal – whether it is something we decided to do or something that was decided for us. We connect to our jobs, and hopefully, find a healthy level of meaning and satisfaction in what we do. We make relationships with the people we work with, and we invest physical, mental, and emotional energy into what we do. So, when a job ends, we usually experience it as a major change and react to it as we would any other significant loss.

We each react to loss or change in our very own way, depending on our personal situation: our family life, structure, and support system(s); our age and health; our frame of mind before the change; our level of preparedness or anticipation of the change; our past reactions to and experiences with change; and what options we have. Therefore, what we feel, how strongly we feel it, and what we think about will vary from event to event, and from person to person.

That being said, some states of mind are more typical than others. For example, a popular theory developed by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross suggests that people suffering from a terminal illness or another catastrophic loss might experience thoughts and feelings described as the following five stages: “denial”, “anger”, “bargaining”, “depression”, and “acceptance”. Kübler-Ross was very clear that not everyone will experience each of these five stages, nor do these stages have to be experienced in the order in which they are listed. But, this theory is a good place to start. Before we can deal with a particular state of mind, we need to identify it, accept it, and understand it. Borrowing from this theory and applying it to the loss of a job, these five stages might be experienced as follows:

Denial – Either the change or loss hasn’t ‘sunk in’ or we simply choose not to acknowledge it. “I’m fine! “Eh, I’ll think about this next week”. “Nothing’s happened; it’s no big deal!” We deny to ourselves or to others that something significant has occurred. If we acknowledge the event, we minimize the impact it has on us, which allows us to avoid thinking or feeling anything related to the change.

Anger – This is where the language can get colourful. We ask “why me?” and/or are outraged at how unfair the situation is or how wrong the decision was. We can get angry with ourselves as well as others. “I can’t believe those *$#!* did this to me!”, “Those idiots, what are they thinking?”, or “I can’t believe how I screwed up. I’m the idiot!”. The anger felt can be very powerful or it might be mild.

Bargaining – We hope that things can change back to what they were, or we can negotiate a much better outcome. “I bet if I just talked to them and explained, they’d change their mind.” “Maybe if I offer to take a cut in pay they can afford to keep me”.

Depression – We feel sad, regret, fear, and uncertainty. We are weighed down by the change, and don’t feel particularly powerful or able to take action. We feel doubt and perhaps dread. “I don’t know what to do.” “I’m such a loser.” “I don’t know if I’ll be able to find anything else. I’m not qualified for much.”

Acceptance – We come to terms with the change or loss. We do what we can do, and accept what we can’t do anything about. “Okay, this is what I’m going to do.” “I’m focused on moving on. I want to get going.”

We might also expect to feel other emotions or think other thoughts:

Excitement – although the change wasn’t welcome, the opportunity for something new or different looks interesting and inviting.

Relief – we didn’t like the job all that much, but didn’t know how to leave it.

Hurt – perhaps we weren’t consulted about the change or it was made in an abrupt or in a way we think was thoughtless. We were friends with those who made the decision – how could they do this?

Shock or Disbelief – we never saw this coming.

The list goes on. We should expect that a whole range of emotions and thoughts will pass by our internal radar screen. Some will keep moving and others will stop and stay for a while. Some emotions will come and go, only to reappear later when we least expect it. It is very important that we keep this in mind: emotion is just information. It is very useful information, but it is just simply telling us something. Thoughts are also just that – thoughts. They are ideas, conclusions, perspectives, opinions, and they are not always based on facts or are the truths we often decide they are. Therefore, we must be careful not to get tied up in either our emotions or our thoughts – certainly, until we understand and verify them.

If you are in this situation – if you are going through the loss of a job and/or the search for a new role – do your best to move through the frustration, worry, anger, resentment, sadness, excitement, regret, relief, or hurt that you feel. These are states of mind and body that will make themselves known in your job search and will impede or even prevent you achieving success. Roll with the emotions, try to understand them and their cause, and keep moving forward. If you are stuck with a thought or feeling, allow a trusted friend or therapist to help you get ‘unstuck’. As the saying goes, “let go, or be dragged”.