It is frustrating, exhausting, and frightening to care for someone you love who is dealing with a severe illness, dementia, a bad injury, or some other tremendous personal hardship. It is also rewarding, enlightening, and life changing in many positive ways. Our relationship with the person who is ill may become strengthened or fractured; so too will relationships with family members and friends, depending on their role in our lives and/or in the life of the patient.
Treatment, recovery or palliative care can be a long process for which we’re advised to ‘pace ourselves’ so that we don’t burnout out. How much easier is this to say than to do! To pace ourselves implies that we can foreshadow what lies ahead and allocate our time and energy accordingly. Anyone who has been a caregiver knows that it’s almost impossible to predict what the next day will bring. The patient’s physical, emotional, and/or mental health can be up or down – and so might our own, medical resources may be cooperative and available – or not, and then there’s all of that which is “regular living” to be managed and enjoyed.
How to cope? Please consider the following:
• “Time off” is not a privilege, but a necessity. Take it when you can, as often as you can. This requires that you…
• … accept help and support from the people around you. Others can do what needs to be done just as well as you can, albeit perhaps differently. Don’t be a martyr – it’s not helping anyone including the patient. As the saying goes, “get off the cross, we need the wood”.
• Be alert to the signs of depression, anxiety, and excessive stress and allow yourself to get professional help when you need it.
• As you can, be there for doctor’s appointments and visits with specialists. Knowing as much as you can about the situation, the condition, and the options will reduce the stress of the unknown and empower you and the patient to make the right decisions.
• Find the humor. With the right timing and sensitivity, there will be many opportunities to laugh at the circumstances. The human condition can be unpleasant and awkward, and humor can help cope with an otherwise embarrassing situation.
• Get as much sleep, good food, and exercise as you can. If you are spending a lot of time in a hospital, take frequent walks outside to get sunlight and fresh air to revive and energize yourself. Go easy on the hospital cafeteria or coffee shop. A steady diet of caffeine and donuts might make you the next patient.
• Allow your friends to support you with their presence. Seek out the people who will listen to you compassionately and fully so you can unload.
• On that note, allow yourself to feel the emotions that you are feeling. Accept that you will feel angry and frustrated. Enjoy it when you’re feeling hopeful and happy.
If any of this applies to you, I give you my kindest regards and wish you and your patient all of the best for comfort and healing.